Another non-office post, but I promise to get back on track soon. These are the top 5 office essentials that every guy should have, whether they know it or not.
5. The Rear-view Mirror. Put this on your cube wall or monitor to know when Bill Lumberg is creepin up on you. The hardest part about this item is explaining it. Everyone knows what it is for, and the more excuses you make, the harder it is to justify it. My favorite line was that I just can't stand when people sneak up on me, it freaks me out, but it didn't sound believable. Eventually, I just owned up and admitted I didn't want office douchebags sneaking up on me.
4. Low Key Restaurant. This one is easy. Find a local restaurant that not a lot of people know about, but that has good food and drink specials. Whether you just want to get away from your coworkers, or have a few drinks with the good ones, find yourself a mini-getaway.
3. Flask. I don't recommend getting blitzed at work, but an emergency flask can get you through the tough times. Hey, you either need one of these badboys filled with whiskey or a couple of Xanax's handy for when the client is pissed because you dropped the ball. Don't judge.
2. Updated Resume. Please don't make me explain this one, and don't pretend you're not always thinking about leaving your current gig. This isn't intended as a bargaining chip or an ultimatum, it's just nice to have for when the flask doesn't solve the problem.
1. Hot Chicks. I recommend being friends with the hot women in your office. You and I both know you don't stand a chance, and even if you did, you're probably married so don't get crazy. But lets face it; hot chicks makes us feel better about the situation, world, life, existence. Check out this YouTube clip and come back.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4EFvtceT1U
So if the real thing isn't available in your office, find a safe alternative. By safe I mean find a website that doesn't raise suspicions. A personal favorite of mine is Sports Illustrated.com. You can get there through CNN, and once you do, go to the photo's link and look through it. Normally, you can find the cheerleader of the week or college super fans. If the photo's link isn't happening, go to the Extra Mustard link, but becareful when linking in from there, as some of the sites can be iffy. Enjoy cubemates.
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